you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
