I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
