Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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