"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
