My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
