You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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