I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
