His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
