I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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