people are starting to question the shark bite story
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
