i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
