were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
