Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
