So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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