Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
