I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
