Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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