She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
