I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
