I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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