I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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