I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
