Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
