i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
