Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
