ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
my poor anus
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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