Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
