benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
