i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
