Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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