is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
