So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
