I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
