Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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