i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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