I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
