just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
