guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
