My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
