If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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