So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
