just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
