I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
