I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
