You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
