I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
