We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize