Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The power of my boobs compel you
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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