I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i barfeds in our rink
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
