i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
only you would photoshop your dick
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
