The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
