nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
do herpes really smell.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
