You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
